I’ve lived with some form of depression and anxiety for a solid 30-ish years. Even as a child, I recall feeling blue on a regular basis. Some days and some years I would do OK. Others, not so much.
But then in August 2016, I had what therapists used to call a nervous breakdown. I felt completely overwhelmed by every aspect of my life — from work to parenthood to self-care. I turned off my cell phone and stopped responding to emails.
Then I started to cry.
And cry… and cry and cry and cry.
On August 22, 2016, I published my first post on this blog and titled it “Put on a Happy Face.”
I went back into therapy with an official diagnosis of clinical depression with anxiety. [And I am still in therapy.]
I’m not sure what made me finally snap, but here are just a few possibilities:
- diagnosis of Lynch Syndrome
- work related relocation 8 hours away from family & friends
- my sister’s diagnosis of colon cancer months after her 39th birthday (she has Lynch too)
- my own hysterectomy & oophorectomy (to prevent potential cancer from Lynch)
- foot surgery (and 3 months of no walking followed by many more in rehab)
- on-going fight against depression & anxiety
- the discovery of colon polyp — luckily not cancerous
- happy meds failing … I’m talking epic failure
- poor coping skills
I’m learning to live with my mental ill [well] ness. I’m learning to thrive despite my fears — especially of the Lynch Syndrome.