being led to be quietly yourself

Just a few days ago in a blog post, I shared a brief Thanksgiving holiday moment I was experiencing with my family. The experience and the blog post offered me the space to reflect with gratitude.

Today, I want to revisit my endeavors with this blog of mine, especially since one of the awe-inspiring bloggers I follow, The Original Phoenix, has nominated me for her newly created Fearless Blogger Award. (And I am so grateful to her for this honor as well.) πŸ™‚

I started this blog because I needed a safe space to give voice to the challenges I face as I navigate the winding paths and dead-ends in this maze I call a brain. Even with an amazing therapist and some pretty good medication, I continue to fight the depression and anxiety. There are days when it is as if the hedges have grown so tall that I feel as if I will never emerge from their shadows.

My therapist Dr. Jasmine (whose name I have also altered when I reference her here) uses cognitive behavioral therapy, and this then means that I identify my beliefs and work to change those as well as the behaviors often associated with them. I cannot begin to explain how difficult this process can be. I cope by writing (here on the blog and outside of the blog as well).

We’ve began working with my core beliefs this past month — beginning with the ones that least threaten me. Right now, I am still trying to overcome the “I am an impostor” thought as well as “I am a failure.”

Some days, I rise above the lies my depressed brain constantly rains down on me. Some days, I fade. I feel like I am being erased from my own life. But I am learning to trust that I can rise strong again after these experiences — although I am still altogether hard on myself for not being stronger (and I certainly feel weakened after the episodes).

Here, on this blog, I’ve discoveredΒ I’ve been led to be quietly myself — as poet Irving FeldmanΒ wrote.

But I find that as I read other blogs, I am also relieved of the awful burden of having to explain myself, to find the words… because those writers have found just the right words.

So here are three fearless bloggers (among many more that I follow) I would like to thank for their wisdom in the darkness:

Anonymously Autistic

A Mile in My Shoes

Justus Creek

P.S. Those hyperlinks will take you to recent posts from those writers. Click, read, enjoy. πŸ™‚

 

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12 thoughts on “being led to be quietly yourself

  1. Nice post! Keep letting your thoughts and feelings out, girl, and you’ll find all the answers you seek. I know it worked for me.

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  2. Thank you, but, sincerely saying so, *you* are the fearless one. I so admire your openness and your courage and your talent. Your line, “I feel like I am being erased from my own life,” reflects all three of these qualities, I believe, and I keep thinking about that, being erased from one’s own life, and I want to write about it. πŸ™‚

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