Originally, Strength

Interesting. Everything is so interesting these days. And by interesting, I mean challenging, terrifying, difficult, terrible, wonderful, beautiful. Scary.

On the days where life is a little too *interesting*, I retreat. But I am learning to hold space for myself during these moments. I am writing poetry and flash fiction (even outside of this blog!), and I am cross stitching. Quietly.

This is going to sound lame (and completely insufferable, like many aspects of my writing on this blog these days), but I can finally find rest in that calm place of writing, creativity, exercise … because Dr. Jasmine officially handed me a permission slip last week.

When I saw the Daily Post Prompt in my email this morning, I immediately thought of a quote (attributed to Johnny Depp) that I pinned to my Pinterest board Less Anxiety, More Calm:

johnny-depp-quote

 

Originally, I used to think that if I cried, I was weak. If I let go, eased my grip, then I was lazy.

But now I am beginning to realize — I’ve been strong for too long.

I am crying because I needed the release long before now.

I cry because I thought I needed to be strong when it was totally OK to embrace my fears, my misgivings.

I cry because I am learning that when I let others see me at my most vulnerable moments, down on my knees, holding myself, and crying from what feels like a well of which no bucket could ever reach the bottom,

those individuals — the ones who have seen those moments — have held me. They didn’t try to solve the problem.

Rather, they waited. They listened. They witnessed.

I am discovering that when we cry because we have been strong for too long, it is incredibly difficult to do this alone.

It is only when those individuals who look at this solitary pain with us (me) as if it were their own that I (we) realize what strength truly is.

[In response to the Daily Prompt: Original]

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5 thoughts on “Originally, Strength

  1. I cry for this same reason. And the problem with it’s that I end up crying for multiple reasons too so when someone asks “what’s wrong,” I don’t know even know where to start. I guess the moral of the story is to deal with the problems before they get that big if at all possible? So that it doesn’t snowball into the giant waterfall of emotion that we call crying?

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