quietly crying behind a smile

In the morning, before I leave for work, my daughters (ages 4 and 2) tell me, “I love your heart and sparkle.”

I respond in kind. [I love them so… and my son… my husband…]

During the day, at work, I am told it looks like I’m not doing my job. [But I am doing the best I can.]

By nighttime, I am no one. I’ve acted like someone who cares (barely) throughout the day. I’ve worn a mask to survive. Don’t we all?

But it isn’t working. The medications aren’t working.

Everything changes.

just. like. that.

[And I’m not even sure how to use cognitive behavior therapy to make everything ok again.]

Tonight, I feel so very far away from myself.

How many steps will it take to get back to my path… to a destination called me?

I’m not entirely sure much of me will be left if I arrive.

[In response to the Daily Prompt: Hike]



10 thoughts on “quietly crying behind a smile

  1. I know my words probably won’t matter but I want to tell you that I believe in you and I’m here for you. I just want you to know that.

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  2. 😦 That wasn’t very nice of the person to say that to you at work. Must be nice for them to feel they can criticise and be so perfect! Some people try to drain the life out of you. I’ll counter that by saying how sweet “I love your heart and sparkle” is. You sound very low. Maybe you Dr can help a little? Hugs x

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    • Thank you so much 🙂 I met with my doctor yesterday and it helped tremendously. (And she said something quite similar to what you posted here – some people are just so cold and unfeeling. Zero empathy.) I am so worn out by the energy it takes to get through the day – especially these days. Thank you so much again for the kind words and digital hugs.

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